3 Sacred Steps for Healing Your Wounded Child

“We shall not cease from exploration 

And the end of all our exploring 

Will be to arrive where we started 

And know the place for the first time.” T.S. Elliot 

Although each person’s soul journey is unique, the developmental process we experience is the same. Such transformation involves spiritual growth in one way or another. And this growth requires healing our psychic pain, “our wounded child.” 

Most people choose to remain developmentally stuck rather than face their wounded child. Their emotional paralysis stems from their fear of experiencing their emotional pain. When we avoid working through such loss, trauma, and emotional wounds; however, they will continue to repeat and recycle unless healed. Healing the wounded child, takes making a commitment to one’s transformation, and is a challenging, yet, courageous venture. 

I always know when I’m called to assist others, I first have to do my own healing work. I have to dive deep into my own childhood wounds so I can facilitate the healing process for those I serve. Even though I started this healing process in my late twenties, I always find myself circling back along a developmental spiral to let go of even deeper layers of these wounds.  

Until you allow yourself time alone to release your pain, you may not even realize that your body, especially your autonomic nervous system, holds on to pain. For example, you may have parts of your body that are numb, shallow breathing, or a nervous system in a constant state of anxiety. Leaning into your vulnerability loosens the vice grip your brain has on you. In order to heal your wounded child, you have to expose these wounds to the light, and reveal all the ways you’ve been striving to protect them and keep them hidden from sight.   

Sometimes a crisis such as a serious illness, trauma, or loss forces us to lean into our vulnerabilities and open to intense transformation. In some ways, change—even the hard change of healing old wounds—is easier when the alternative is unthinkable. But for many of us, daily life isn’t enough to trigger that kind of radical transformation. Instead, the pain is left to build up for years, even decades, because it’s easier to ignore it than to let go and lean in. Without release, however, these old wounds create chronic distress that can manifest as depression, anxiety, or physical illness. Only when the pain is released can we bring about self-healing.  

Here are 3 Sacred Steps for Healing your Wounded Child: 

1. Have a sacred dialogue with your wounded child. Grab your favorite journal and pen, curl up in your favorite chair, and get ready to have a chat with your wounded little girl. Create a safe space where you will be safe and uninterrupted. Surround yourself with your favorite scents, sounds, and sensations. Now, close your eyes, put your hand on your heart, and yourself as a young child. Invite your little girl, to come into your awareness.  Open and allow your heart to soften and your mind to see the wisdom she holds for you. Begin your sacred chat by asking her the following questions: “What wounds do you need me to heal? How do you want to be loved? What do you need to feel safe?” Be still and allow the answers to float to the surface in whatever form comes through and then write them down in your journal.  
2. Practice this forgiveness visualization.  Picture yourself, your mother, your father, and any other figures from your childhood as spiritual beings. Seeing them in this state makes it easier to forgive them and their human frailties. Bless your spirits in white light. Then, release their dysfunctional patterns and poor choices in pink light. The vibration of pink light governs the physical universe and short-circuits negativity, thereby isolating it. The more you open your heart in compassion to yourself and your parents and forgave their faulty human choices, the more you eliminate the negative energy. This creates new space for positive energy to return to you and opens more space in your heart for you to love yourself. 
3. Create a ritual of release. A useful tool that can help release our pain from unresolved losses is a self-designed ritual of release. Rituals of release include making a picture scrapbook, using old photos in a collage about the past, journaling, or simply lighting a candle. You can use photos from your childhood, textured papers, and inspiring quotes to create a visual journal that depicts self-healing. This ritual of release transforms any emotional release into a positive, creative force. Such rituals transform energy that is stuck from unresolved grief into positive healing experiences.  

The strength, courage, and perseverance it takes to heal your wounded child is a testimony to the resiliency of your human spirit. It shows how dedicated you are to serve others’ and the world at this particular time of personal and global transformation. Your desire to become a better mother, partner, and/or healer can be the catalyst for beginning this healing journey. It was for me.