Becoming conscious observers of your experience—your thoughts, feelings , patterns, and life circumstances—allows you to witness your life from a healthy detached perspective and assess any situation. This is expanded conscious awareness and it becomes activated when you trust your connection to your divine source. Like operating the zoom lens of a camera, you can pull yourself away from any experience to access it from a more spiritual point of view.
Consciously observing your experience from an expanded viewpoint helps you gain perspective on and disengage from negative reactions such as blame, attacking, or resisting others when you feel fearful, insecure, or angry. In fact, the brain, like a camera, has filtered lenses through which you perceive your external circumstances. These filters, which come from past experience, can alter how you see and interpret new information. Such filters may distort your perception of a situation and cause you to react negatively.
In many cases, you may discover that you are not angry at the person but rather at the information you are receiving about yourself—the particular mindset, belief, or pattern triggered by the encounter. In other words, though at first it may feel like we want to kill the messenger what we really want to kill is the message. Simon Peter Fuller writes, “What angers us in another person is more often than not an unhealed aspect of ourselves. If we had already resolved that particular issue, we would not be irritated by its reflection back to us.”
In such situations, there are 4 sacred strategies you can do to uncover the unresolved issue needing to be healed.
- Ask yourself: What physical, mental, or emotional reactions am I experiencing right now? What is this person or situation showing me about my own mindsets, beliefs, or behavioral patterns? What do I need to release?
- You can pause or take purposeful breaks during the day to assess and release any reactions. Pay attention to any discomfort or tension in the body, listen to the information being received, and identify, any negative patterns. You can walk out of the room, set the phone down, or write a response in a letter or e-mail to send later.
- Observe any reaction from a broader, more detached perspective, paying attention to any cues signaling that negative mindsets, beliefs, or patterns. Tune in to your reactions and see each one as an opportunity to heal an unresolved issue.
- Separate your reaction from someone else’s so you get the healthy distance needed to avoid taking theirs personally or blaming them for yours, while staying lovingly connected and responsive. It helps to envision the person going through their own self-discovery that likely has nothing to do with us. This form of compassionate detachment increases your ability to influence difficult situations with positive energy.
In choosing to respond, rather than react by not taking another person’s issue to heart, you give them the loving space to examine the source of their own reaction and, subsequently, release them. When you provide another person with the opportunity to release their reaction, you open the door for healing.
Being a conscious observer of your experience and learning to disengage from other people’s reactions allows you to become more proactive instead of reactive, shifting your energy from negative to positive. Most of all, you can see such challenging situations as opportunities to transform your life.
I love your strategies and powerful questions. I believe that every person on our path is there to help us heal and grow, some, with being loving and encouraging and others, by being a mirror to where we need to heal. It is not always easy to recognize the mirrors and I appreciate your teaching and words that lead us there.
Thank you Rachel and I too, feel that every person on our path is there for our spiritual growth and transformation. My most powerful reactions to anyone or anything teach me the most about myself.xo
Deb, you had me at, “…In other words, though at first, it may feel like we want to kill the messenger what we really want to kill is the message.”
I experienced this yesterday with a client’s coaching call. Before we started the session, she sought and did give ME feedback on something I’d done. What was supposed to be 3 minutes turned into 20 minutes. Note to self: I won’t do that again BEFORE a session as it unraveled me for awhile until I could start to embrace what you write so eloquently about.
Sometimes we are the reflection of another’s unhealed part of themselves and that’s when we need to give ourselves the permission to pause. xo
I love this Debra! In several of my teachings and also when I am with a client for a 1 to 1, I speak to this! Thank you for being another voice in the world to share this powerful message. If I could add one thing, I would say-have patience with yourself as awarenesses of the mirror are observed and transformed into conscious acts. Just like any skill, it takes practice before it becomes the new norm. Love yourself through it!
Thank you Crystal for the reminder to be patient and loving with ourselves as this does take sustained practice. xo
You are speaking my language Debra – responding rather than reacting is key. Thank you for sharing your excellent sacred strategies. It is always enlightening to become the ‘conscious’ observer! <3
Thank you Debra…giving myself the permission to pause offers me the space where conscious awareness lies. xo
What great advice! I always believe that if you ask the right questions, you’ll get the right answers.
So true Barb…it’s really about asking the questions. xo
I’m right here with you, Debra! Being the witness allows us to respond rather than to react—to anything that comes our way. It’s such a powerful and true way to live.
I love being the witness to our thoughts, feelings, and experiences. It gives us the presence in the pause to lift out of any situation and see it’s true reality. xo
I love the freedom to choose my response — and that helps me take a beat before I react. Except when I don’t, lol. Fortunately, those reactions are usually uncomfortable enough to increase my awareness and remember to take that pause.
Thank you Andrea…taking a beat gives us the freedom to respond instead of react. That space in between is where awareness lies. xo
I live by Simon Peter Fuller’s wisdom, “What angers us in another person is more often than not an unhealed aspect of ourselves. If we had already resolved that particular issue, we would not be irritated by its reflection back to us.” When I get triggered by someone or find myself judging another, I ask myself what is that person mirroring to me that I do not like or accept in myself. This provides me an opportunity to become more self-aware and learn and grow from what challenges me. It also allows me to be more compassionate and kind to myself in the process. Thank you so much for sharing your insight and wisdom Debra!
Thank you Kelley for reminding us that we are all mirrors for each other. When we drop the judgment and just see it as information, then we can allow whatever unhealed issue come to the surface. xo
Debra, so true! I had a situation just this past Friday in which a comment really affected me. I walked away because my emotional and physical response was so strong. In reflecting afterwards, I tried compassion towards me and towards the other. I realized that the other person was working out their own journey and experiencing something I had been through countless times, but had been painful. By accepting this understanding, I was able to release the comment and understand it had nothing to do with me. I also realized that I had more work to do for me in healing and forgiving. Thank you for sharing! Work in progress, I am! 🙂 XO
Thank you for sharing your vulnerability Michelle. We are all a work in progress and when we have strong physical or emotional reactions, we are being guided to heal whatever lies underneath. xo