5 Ways to Cultivate Self-Compassion

“Compassion and love are not mere luxuries.  

As the source of both internal and external peace, 

they are fundamental to the continual survival of our species.”  

 —His Holiness the Fourteenth Dalai Lama 

 Cultivating compassion for ourselves is our best pathway to inner peace and our true source of happiness. Compassion infuses love into every encounter we experience with both ourselves and others, supporting healthy relationships. Living as compassionate beings, we can bless and release the suffering of life by trusting that every human being is on their own spiritual path. This increases our capacity to create peace and harmony in our lives because it reminds us of the interconnectedness of all life and that we are a part of the universal energy of divine love.  

Cultivating self-compassion starts by accepting all parts of ourselves without reservation, no matter how we feel about them. One way to do this is by eliminating all of the violent thoughts, words, and actions we inflict upon ourselves. Many of us move through our days berating, shaming, and terrorizing ourselves with our thoughts in ways we would never express to anyone we love.  

You must stop beating yourself up or putting yourself down every time you become aware of an imperfection, make a mistake, or expose a vulnerability. Instead, you need to realize that all your thoughts, feelings, and choices originate in your being of love—even when you step in dog poop while wearing your most expensive shoes, break a favorite vase, lose a job, or hurt someone you love.  

Another way to cultivate self-compassion is by responding positively rather than reacting negatively when stressful events occur. Whether it’s a sunny day or a cloudy day, you can sustain positive thoughts and a positive energy flow. Notice how one moment of self-compassion can change your entire day, and then imagine how such moments, repeated over and over, could change your life and the lives of others. 

In the past, when I reacted with anger toward myself in response to a cascade of challenging events, I just chalked it up to the fact that I was having a bad day. But instead of getting better with each subsequent challenge, my bad days just got worse. Through practicing self-compassion, I found that I could be at peace, and that I didn’t have to take these irritating setbacks personally, or get caught up in their details.   

You can practice self-compassion by observing life’s processes without getting invested or entangled in them. When you’re first learning to do this, it’s important to be aware of your reactions so you can immediately bring your nervous system into balance by breathing and focusing on your heart center.  

Cultivating self-compassion also requires us to nurture ourselves with all the kindness and love we would shower on someone we cherish. Too often, we set aside our own needs while caring for others, or put off self-care in favor of the endless to-do lists, career obligations, and other distractions in our lives. Putting off self-care may seem noble and selfless—until we become stressed, exhausted, or ill, and suddenly lack the energy to care for anyone.  

Making a compassionate covenant with ourselves sustains happiness, well-being, and self-love, while giving us more energy to serve others.  

1. Focus on the aspects of yourself you love. As you move through your day, notice any negative, self-deprecating, or violent thoughts, and replace them with positive affirmations such as: “I am kind, I am generous, or I am trustworthy.” 
2. Be forgiving of your reactions. When you react negatively to situations, bless yourself, and release blame, resentment, and judgment. Coach yourself by using supportive self-talk to clear negative thoughts and reactions such as “Bless and release,” and “Open your heart and let go.” 
3.  Practice precious self-care. For example, take a few minutes at the beginning and end of every day to meditate, journal, or relax; transform your daily shower or bath into a ritual to cleanse your energy field after a stressful day; or engage in activities such as walking, yoga, massage, acupuncture, tai chi, or energy work. 
4. Perform acts of kindness toward yourself. Make a special meal, leave Post-it love notes on the refrigerator or the bathroom mirror, book a self-care retreat, or arrange an amazing adventure.  
5. Use the mantra, let it all be.  It tells the brain that you have entered a “no judgment zone.” You can let go of your attachment to a person or situation, and eliminate any associated negativity or resistance. 

When we cultivate compassion for ourselves by being kind, nonjudgmental, and nonreactive—especially when we struggle, make mistakes, or feel unworthy—we are more likely to behave this way toward others. Such behavior generates universal love, inner peace, and spiritual attunement with everyone and everything. When we are truly compassionate with ourselves, we never stop seeing the beauty of our being as love.