Celebrating the holidays without expectations can be challenging. How many of us dread the holidays because we have difficulty saying no, declining an invitation, or setting firm boundaries with our family members? Whether it be family traditions we feel obligated to continue or relatives we feel we must visit, our minds are filled with endless to-do lists at this particular time of year. Instead of it being a time of beauty, quiet reflection, and a celebration of our hearts, it can become stressful and anxiety-ridden trying to live up to the expectations of ourselves and others.
As the holidays approach, you may have difficulty finding time in your busy schedule to be quiet, reflect, and listen inwardly. Yet, this sets you up to follow the dictates of your head instead of your heart. These mental dictates such as “I must” or “I should” can get you into situations, such as going to a family holiday gathering you would rather not attend. Such an expectation or obligation can also be triggered when a person suddenly calls and asks if you are free without telling you the plans they have in mind. You then may feel obligated to answer “yes,” leaving you vulnerable to committing to an event in which you may have no interest in or may compromise you in an unhealthy way.
In such situations, it is essential that you practice compassionate detachment. Patterns such as approval seeking, people pleasing, or insecurity surface especially during the holidays because they are so fraught with expectations. Red flags such as blame, attack, or defensiveness signal that a pattern has emerged. Practice pausing when you react, stepping back from the situation and asking yourself: Why am I reacting to this person or situation? What pattern has surfaced that I need to change
Instead of taking another person’s reaction personally, remain lovingly detached by not trying to fix their problem or work out their issues. Remind them that you love them and are here for them. Next, instead of reacting in anger, frustration or irritation, respond from a more positive perspective—for instance, asking if you can call the person back. Finally, affirm to yourself that you always have the power of choice and inform the person of your preference.
Having expectations of yourself, others, or situations can interrupt the flow of positive energy. When you become attached to a particular outcome, you set yourself up for disappointment. Not honoring your heart, can lead to resentment and stifle the creation of new possibilities. Moreover, attachments to specific results often prohibit the possibility of even better outcomes by keeping you locked within certain perimeters of intention and perspective.
Here are a few ways to shift from expectations to positive intentions:
- Be receptive to new experiences, ideas, and people in your daily routine. Let go of any comfort zones, expected outcomes, and welcome the enhanced love, joy, and play that streams into your life.
- Practice letting things be. Focus your energies on your own life, and stop micromanaging others. Encourage yourself to live without judging present situations or resenting past ones.
- Make more discerning choices by listening to your heart instead of your head. If anyone or anything does not feel aligned with your authentic self, trust your intuition, and change the situation as soon as possible.
- Give yourself permission to break with tradition: Give yourself permission to take time for yourself. Be open to creating new experiences and breaking the predictable patterns of what you’ve always done around the holidays. Take a short get-away, visit friends, and spend more relaxed time with yourself.
- Practice giving yourself permission by doing one or both of the following activities:
(a) Telling yourself, “I give myself permission to __________.”
(b) Expressing your authentic self in some way.
