The holidays are upon us and we will spend more time with family, friends, and intimate partners than any other time of the year. Yet, even with the closest of partners, friends, or family, we may feel misunderstood, disconnected, or not seen or heard. Being seen, heard, and accepted for who we are is one of the most important elements in any intimate relationship.
Many of us feel disconnected when people do not understand us, do not feel the way we feel, or do not see things the way we see them. Even communicating with others can be difficult when they seem to have different a perspective or opinion. Despite these challenges, we still have a strong, innate need to connect with others, to feel a sense of love and belonging. We have a deep soul desire to create better, more intimately connected and loving relationships.
Here are 7 Ways to Cultivate Intimacy and Connection Around the Holidays:
Express appreciation and gratitude. Appreciation for another person opens us to feelings of love, vulnerability, and intimacy. Expressing gratitude, especially for the little things that occur each day, contributes significantly to intimate and connected relationships. The little things do, in fact, make all the difference.
Refrain from making assumptions. Making assumptions and jumping to conclusions are likely to break the flow of intimacy and lead to defensiveness and blame. Rather than make assumptions, which is a setup for disappointment, it is far more loving to listen without interruption and ask questions to gain clarity.
Permission to break with tradition. Give each other permission to take time for yourself. Be open to creating new experiences and breaking the predictable patterns of what you’ve always done around the holidays. Take a short get-away, try a new holiday activity, and spend more relaxed time together.
Compassionately communicate your needs. Take turns sharing your vision of the holiday season. Listen to each other with non-judgment, acceptance and respect. Create an atmosphere of safety where each of you can be vulnerable and speak from your heart what your needs and desires truly are at this time of year.
Be spontaneous and playful. Let go of expectations as they are unspoken assumptions that break the flow of creativity. Be open to trying something new together such as dancing lessons, cooking together or something you’ve always wanted to do. Play with joyful abandon.
Practice healthy detachment. Patterns surface especially during the holidays because they so fraught with expectations. Practice pausing when you react, stepping back from the situation and asking yourself: Why am reacting to this person or situation? What is going on with me that I need to shift? Instead of taking another person’s reaction personally, stay detached by not trying to fix their problem, work out their issues, and remind them that you love them and are here for them.
Keep a sense of humor. Be light-hearted in every situation no matter how difficult. Laugh when you overcook the turkey, break a favorite decoration or forget to buy a gift. Take yourself less seriously and keep interactions or plans short with people who may drain your energies. Remember you don’t have to change them but you may choose to spend less time with them and more time with yourself and your partner.
Debra Oakland says
Thank you for sharing “7 Ways to Cultivate Intimacy and Connection Around the Holidays.” I particularly connect with – permission to break with tradition. Many feel bound and obligated to follow holiday patterns year after year, even though they dream of breaking from traditional patterns. I say, follow your heart. Happy Holidays to you Debra! <3
Debra Reble says
I so agree Debra that giving yourself permission to follow your heart is key to not only surviving the holidays but actually enjoying and thriving in the holiday season. Happy holidays to you too <3
Great tips Debra! I agree that “being seen, heard, and accepted for who we are is one of the most important elements in any intimate relationship.” This is the greatest gift we can give to one another this holiday season and all year around. Many Blessings to you and yours in 2018! With Much Love, Lisa xx
I agree Lisa the biggest present we can give others this holiday season is our presence. Showing up fully and authentically with them <3
I think keeping a sense of humor and allowing yourself to take a break are huge!
I think so too Barb. That’s how I stay most centered and calm in the midst of the flurry of the holidays. <3
Hi Debra, What a timely post! Loved your “7 ways to cultivate intimacy and connection over the holidays”. I will definitely remind myself to put some of these into practice. Thanks!
Thank you Pamela <3
These are great points and reminders. Thank you Debra! xoxo Happy Holidays
Thank you Ginny <3
These are wonderful recommendations, Debra, I love that you lead us to deeply respect our loved one and ourself.