“Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.” -Brene Brown
It takes courage to be who we are in the world. Courage comes from the Latin word for “heart.” To be courageous is to be open-hearted, speaking our truth honestly and openly with our whole heart. In other words, sharing our most intimate thoughts, feelings and experiences that comprise our true being.
Loving ourselves enough to reveal our deepest vulnerabilities is the most courageous choice we can make. Unlike bravery which is externally motivated, courage comes from within. It sources deep within our hearts as self-love, acceptance and self-compassion. Courage allows us to acknowledge our hurts, wounds and imperfections without escaping, distracting or resisting them.
For example, I’m practicing courage right now by putting my thoughts, words and experiences out there for you to read. My mind is racing with thoughts such as, “I have nothing to share that they would want to read,” or ” People aren’t going to like what you have to say.” And all of these negative beliefs stem from my deepest vulnerability-that I’m not good enough. So for me to practice courage, I have to take that first baby step and trust being vulnerable by sharing my hurts, imperfections and insecurities.
Here goes…When I received my first edited draft of Soul-Hearted Partnership, I was ecstatic. It had taken ten years for me to take the courageous step to give what I had written to an editor. And, now here was my life’s work in my hands. As I quickly perused the cover letter, my heart sank. Although there was a sampling of both positive and corrective feedback, all I focused in on was what I perceived as negative. Here is a litany of my thoughts that sourced from shame-“What was I thinking that I could write a book?” “Who did I think I was?” and “You’ll never be a writer so give up now.” I was so disappointed and devastated that I wanted to throw the draft in the fireplace and be done with it. I didn’t. This time I allowed myself to be vulnerable and practiced courage.
First I let myself feel vulnerable, hurt and afraid. Then I went to my husband, my trustworthy partner who has earned the right to hear my story, and shared with him my pain of not being good enough. After a good cry, I then responded. I placed the manuscript in the freezer to take the negative energy off of it. I left it right on top of the frozen vegetables for several days. When I was ready to face my vulnerability heart on, I took it out of the deep freeze and began to make the suggested corrections.
Courage takes putting our vulnerability on the line everyday. Practicing courage means sharing our story with someone safe even when we are so ashamed, insecure or hurt that all we want to do is run, fight or hide. We don’t think or feel our way into becoming courageous-we take action.
Hello dear Debra!
Thank you SO much for sharing your courageous journey with us!!
What made you feel so vulnerable is now the thing that I and many others admire most about you. You inspire us to more courageous, whole-hearted expressions of our true selves too!!
And I will always remember putting-the-manuscript-in-the-freezer trick to dispel the negative energy we associate with with feedback that’s anything short of laudatory and I can imagine using it myself!!
Thanks again!
Thank you Stacey for your supportive comment on my vulnerable process with writing my book. Yes the freezer trick works every time…hopefully this time when I get the draft back, it won’t have to sit among the frozen veggies for days! Blessings
I’m gobsmacked. Eyes watered up. You wrote this for me. Okay, maybe not me in particular but I’m completely in awe at how the Big U had me in mind when you wrote this.
I’m completely owning my story. The scary bits. The gory details. And the fear that no one really gives a poo and won’t read it.
Thank YOU for being brave <3
My dear Peggy…I was heartbroken when I got this ms back with all the colored markings, deleted paragraphs and the continuous word redundant that kept showing up on the pages of edits. It took everything I had to get back in the saddle, grab the ms from the freezer, and begin again in a new way. Just keep writing writing writing. I got your back!
“We don’t think or feel our way into becoming courageous-we take action.” I love these words. It really gives hope for what to “do” when fear strikes. And in that movement and action, we move away from that fear and into courage. I also love the visual of “I left it right on top of the frozen vegetables for several days.” To find humor in your fear and sadness…Well done!
Thanks Deb for reading and sharing your inspiration. Yes I had to find a place to dispel the energy yet not ruin the manuscript-the freezer over the fireplace was the likely choice.
Thank you Deb for you heartfelt comment and for sharing my story. Humor is always the antidote for vulnerability and pain!
“it takes courage to be who we are in the world.” So true and so well said. Your story speaks to everyone who has ever taken the risk of exposure. Thank you for this.
Thank you Teri for your comment and supporting my courageous path in the world. Hugs
Debra, I have a mantra “Be scared and do it anyway”… I truly believe that all women who have gone after their dreams have walked through the veil of fear and you are so right… it takes a whole lot of courage. As a magical practitioner, you KNOW I loved that you put the manuscript in the freezer too 😉
Thank you Lisa for your inspiring comment. I knew you would enjoy this “magical” technique especially when fire is not an option. Hugs
I learned an easy, free, and fast new trick to instantly move forward in my business. Place things in the freezer to get rid of the negative energy. Love it!
Thanks Lisa…yes it does the trick every time!
I love that courage comes from the heart! It’s how I’ve felt it, but never articulated it in this way.
Your heart is big and full in your sharing, Debra. Thank you! Everytime I write it takes a deep breath of courage to hit publish. I will remember your wise words and your big vision. I love, love, the freezer “trick.” Marvelous!
“We don’t think or feel our way into becoming courageous-we take action.” Yes! I’m reflecting on all the times when I have found myself moving ahead, not knowing how I got there. And remembering people telling me i was brave. i never felt brave. Courageous is the right word.
Thank you Laurie for your support love and being in my writing corner. Love getting to know you and your inspiring work. Hugs
Wow! Your post and then all the comments on this page is a big reminder that women are amazing healers of the soul. I want to encourage you to focus on this as you are writing Debra–the transformation that another person WILL receive when they read your book.
I shut my entire life down for a year and a half to write my book and yes, over and over again I wondered if it was worth it, was I worth it? The only thing that got me through was thinking that if one person has a healing or awakening from my book than it is worth it. Keep going.
Your story matters. You are here on purpose.
Joy “godbumps” just went through me as I read your comment and yes If I reach and touch one life then it is all worth it. Actually nothing else really matters. Thank you for giving me this affirmation and acknowledgment that my life is my message and that my story matters…you are a blessing in my life. Hugs
such a beautiful vulnerable blog post. I love your description of courage and bravery. It is so right on. I am with you! Thank you for your corageous heart, dear Debra. Shine on sister. Shine on!
Thank you for being a shining light in my life and for your sweet comment. You inspire me and I’m glad I could return the favor…Hugs Nadia
Debra, you are speaking to my heart in all regards to courage. I felt your words, “I have nothing to share that they would want to read,” or ” People aren’t going to like what you have to say.” After all the loss I went through, I felt I had nothing to lose and everything to gain by writing, even if it was just for me. Now look at us, we both have written books from the heart and people do want to hear what we have to say. I say we are very courageous! <3
Thank you fellow Debra for sharing such a beautiful message. Yes we are on this journey together of loss but most of all the courage to heal and share our message with others. Congrats on your book too and your how courageous you were to get it out there. Hugs
Hi Debra,
Thanks for sharing your vulnerability with us and for your courageous post and words of wisdom. I loved your story about putting your edited manuscript in the freezer for a couple of days 🙂 I particularly connected with the phrase “Courage takes putting your vulnerability on the line everyday.” I’ve found that sharing my vulnerability enables others to connect with me.
Thanks Pam for insightful comment and for sharing your heart. Love you support and words of wisdom. Hugs
What a beautiful and essential message you’re sharing!! I love so much about this post – your distinction between bravery and courage, your willingness to be vulnerable, and even your freezing the manuscript to rid it of negative energy. But this might be my favorite line: “Courage allows us to acknowledge our hurts, wounds and imperfections without escaping, distracting or resisting them.” YES! Hats off to you for sharing your story and being so very courageous!
Thanks Dina for your lovely comment and for sharing my post. So honored that you are on this vulnerable courageous journey with me. Hugs
Wow ~ Have you been hangin’ out inside my head again? Thank you for a brilliant and courageous blog post. Reading through the comments I see that you are speaking for many of us. (I think I go through this — on a much smaller scale — every time I post a blog entry or a comment!)
It’s not easy to ‘find our truth’ — let alone share it publicly.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful heart with us. Again. <3
Sounds like I’m speaking the truth for all of us women authors. Whew glad to assist and serve and put my heart out there for all to see. Hugs and thank you Andrea for all your support.
I’m so glad that we are all making this journey of vulnerability together. Thank you for being brave and saying what each of us have thought about ourselves.
Thanks Sheila for being on this journey with me…grateful for your support. hugs
Love this sharing, Debra. As I read it, it was resonating on several different levels: 1) the terror that’s cropping up on a dream I am daring to bring to life and the ways the criticism offers me the choice to stay with heart-centered courage or run for the hills, 2) as an editor, I was reminded of striking that balance of honoring and constructive offerings for an even more impactful book, and 3) as a heart-centered, soul-inspired author I feel you, sister, and have this experience just about every time I speak my truth. Thank you so much for this post!
Thanks Dawn as I am touched by your sharing. Wow so much insight and from so many points of view. It is lovely to know that you have been there too…hugs
Debra,
I like what you said about courage…it’s about putting our vulnerability out every day. All of it…the great stuff, the stuff we are working on and the stuff we may not even want to admit. I am finding that when we are vulnerable we are more likable because we are able to show we are human. Not trying to be perfect, because is there really anything that is perfect?
Thanks Teresa for you inspiring comment. Yes I find that I connect to people in a real way when I allow myself to be vulnerable. Hugs
Just love this quote “Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.” Brene Brown and your post was written for me. I stop myself promoting the book I have self published and writing the story that others want me to share
Thank you for being vulnerable♡