Creating healthy energetic boundaries is key to producing a positive flow of energy in our relationships. At heart, all our relationships are energetic exchanges—opportunities to become a conduit for life force energy. When energetic boundaries are in place, the resulting flow is growth promoting, first for ourselves and then for others. Without such boundaries, however, we can easily exhaust ourselves of energy or inadvertently take on the unwanted energies of others, outcomes that impede our growth and damage our relationships.
Establishing energetic boundaries with those we love is not easy, because we are especially sensitive to the “pull” they have on our hearts. Wanting their happiness perhaps more than they want it themselves, for instance, we can become so involved in trying to generate it for them that the effort takes its toll on us physically, emotionally, and even spiritually. At its best, the energetic drain makes us vulnerable to feelings of compassion fatigue. At its worst, it can stress our heart center, resulting in exhaustion, depression, or medical conditions such as increased blood pressure or cardiac disease.
Creating healthy boundaries with more casual friends, associates, coworkers, and even strangers is just as important. In relationships without such boundaries in place, it is common to feel something akin to the biological concept of osmosis, in which molecules pass in one direction or another across a permeable cell membrane. Some highly sensitive individuals who are unaware of the importance of establishing boundaries typically struggle to keep their energy from bleeding into the energy fields of people around them—or vice versa, strive to prevent other people’s energy from infiltrating their energy field. For instance, have you ever felt yourself taking on the emotions of others as if they were your own, or being sucked dry of emotion in the presence of “energy vampires”?
The long-term consequences of engaging in relationships without energetic boundaries in place can be pronounced. Many people, for example, start out in loving relationships, or professional or casual ones, as healthy caregivers. But if they are attracted to a “victim”—someone needing to be taken care of—and do not create healthy energetic boundaries, they may end up taking care of the person without receiving much in return. A caregiver who then begins taking responsibility for the victim’s life fosters the victim’s chronic dependency on them, along with other enabling behaviors. Taking responsibility for another person’s life, after all, impedes the person’s willingness to help themselves. In such circumstances, when there is no positive exchange of energy within the relationship, caregivers can become resentful and controlling caretakers.
If you are a caregiver who has slipped into the role of self-sacrificing caretaker, you may not at first be aware of the shift. You will know things have changed if you now feel a need to be needed or to fix this person or rescue them, or if you think you might be distracting yourself from your own insecurities and vulnerabilities. For a brief time as caretakers we may feel more secure, powerful, and in control of our lives, when in fact this false sense of confidence only prevents us from preciously caring for ourselves.
As a caregiver with healthy energetic boundaries in place, you will be able to open your heart compassionately in balanced detachment and maintain a positive flow of energy with others without suffering with them. To create healthy energetic boundaries, practice the following steps:
- Recite a mantra to yourself, or say “Namaste” or “bless and release” to dissolve negative energy emanating from a situation. Not knowing what they require for their personal growth, accept that they are cocreating the life situations for this to happen.
- Exercise balanced detachment by opening your heart in loving compassion for the “being” of others while simultaneously removing yourself from their unhealthy physical and emotional processes. For example, when someone wants to vent their feelings with you, prepare to be a sounding board by listening with an open heart and refrain from taking on their negative processes, giving unsolicited advice, or trying to fix the situation.
- Recognize when you are vulnerable to absorbing negative energy. (The stronger your reaction is to a person, pattern, or situation, the more deep-seated your sensitivity to it may be.) Before engaging in a potentially vulnerable interaction, breathe deeply, open your heart, and release all reactivity, thereby establishing a healthy physical, emotional, and spiritual separation.
- Focus on directing positive energy into your encounters with others. Bless someone who cuts in front of you while driving or in line at the grocery store. Recite a mantra to yourself, or say “Namaste” or “bless and release” to dissolve negative energy emanating from a situation.
- Surround yourself with positive people who listen well, respond meaningfully, and support you unconditionally. Move beyond dualistic patterns of light/wrong, good/bad, and win/lose; acknowledge others’ points of view; love them even when you disagree with them or hold a different perspective.
Just realizing that our energies are as important as those of our loved ones, family, friends, and coworkers can encourage us to develop a loving, caring relationship with ourselves and protect it through the creation of energetic boundaries. In honoring our needs for personal time and engaging in activities that restore and inspire us, we acquire more vitality and stamina to energetically serve others.
Making this commitment to yourself benefits everyone in your world. So breathe, let go, and let it all be.
Great insights and tips Debra! Such an important topic that really ought to be taught as basic energy management at schools;)
I love this re-mind-er: “Not knowing what they require for their personal growth, accept that they are cocreating the life situations for this to happen.”
Not always easy when you care about someone but definitely optimal!
many joyful blessings, Tina
I love this idea of teaching a “basic energy management class” I actually have been thinking of creating a class since I do this a lot individually in my work with clients. Thank you Tina for your insight and loving support! Blessings <3
Being conscious of and following our energy, or allowing our energy flow to be our guide is so important. I find hoopopopno is a great diffuser too xx
Thank you Suzie for your wise words and for the essential oil tip. I’ll need to order that one! Blessings
Wonderful tips for empathic sensitive souls. Protecting our energies is essential for self- care and this is what I teach and practice. Thanks for your blog, Debra! -Namaste
Yes you do teach this Lisa and it is so essential to us empaths and highly sensitive people! Thank you for doing the light work you do on the planet! You are a god send to people like us! Blessings
What a great post, Debra. I think it’s so important to help people better understand their energy fields and how to protect themselves from picking up others’ energy and just as importantly, bleeding out to others. Well done! I’m sharing this one wide and far!
Thank you Sheila for your insight on this essential topic and for sharing my article! Blessings and thank you for sharing your light!
Great incite and advice,Debra! I know I have been guilty of this in my 20’s & 30’s! Trying to fix the problems of former boyfriends, ex-husbands, co-workers, etc. My willingness to help became an addiction to being “needed.” It was so draining on my own health. I’m much better at setting boundaries now, but I think I need to print & hang this post as a reminder not to go there again! 🙂
I know this place well Tae and it has taken me into my 50’s to finally preciously care for myself and my energies. Thank you for sharing yourself here and for your beautiful light!
Great post, Debra! As Tae said, I was guilty of this in the past and I ended up in a major health crisis and it took months to recover my health. I’m much, much better at personal boundaries of all kinds these days, including the energetic ones. At the same time, I bump into this problem with some regularity, still. I’m dealing with a situation right now where I have no choice but to be in daily contact with a certain person and she is one who is passive-aggressive, manipulative, and she is lonely and depressed and that expresses itself in cycles of gloom and silence alternating with false sweetness. I keep catching myself having mood changes connected to her, so I’m going to put your advice to work there!
I know that place all too well which is why I have to be so consciously aware of my energies. For me, the passive-aggressive pattern is one of the worst to compassionately detach from and takes quite the energetic boundaries to do so. Blessings <3
I love this. Boundaries is one of the most difficult thing for people to obtain respect and hold onto. Very insightful.
Thank you Leigh for your insight and for sharing my article! Blessings
Our “energies are just as important…” AMEN! How long does it take us to learn: we cannot serve from an empty vessel. Thanks for the reminder, Deb.
It has taken me my whole life to practice healthy detachment Andrea! Amen is right! Thank you for your continued support and light! Blessings
Debra, This post is sooooooo important! I believe that this is a huge key to happy relationships, and you have detailed the process and techniques for resolving it so beautifully. Keep on! xox, Reba
Thank you Reba…it is the key to happy and healthy relationships I wholeheartedly agree! Blessings dear heart
Debra, such an important message for those of us who are empaths (HAND RAISED!)
I LOVE all the tips you shared but especially the tip about reciting a mantra to yourself, or say “Namaste” or “bless and release” to dissolve negative energy emanating from a situation.
I’ve done something similar for years and it’s such a powerful tool! Thanks again for the empowering tips! xoxo
It is an essential message for all of us highly sensitive people…me too! Took me well into my early 50’s to practice these tools consistently. Bless and release is my “go to” mantra for everyday releases of negative energy! Thank you for sharing your beautiful light! Blessings
What an empowering and insightful post Debra. I love how you encourage readers to become aware when they’re absorbing negative energy. That is such an important one! Will you believe I wrote one on boundaries too this week? 🙂 Here it is http://wildradiantwoman.com/the-beauty-of-boundaries/
Much love xo
We are in sync with this timely topic Puja! Thank you for spreading your light! Blessings..I will share your article as well! <3
Very timely for me. Thank you for this wonderful reminder.
Thank you Rachel…love divine timing! Blessings dear heart
Wonderful timing, Debra. Thank you for sharing your insights and wisdom. Many blessings to you.
Thank you Cindy and happy this is timely for you! Blessings
This is right on target for my heart today. I am now six days into living with another human for the first time in 20 years. I’m going to remember your tips, especially this: “Recognize when you are vulnerable to absorbing negative energy. (The stronger your reaction is to a person, pattern, or situation, the more deep-seated your sensitivity to it may be.) Before engaging in a potentially vulnerable interaction, breathe deeply, open your heart, and release all reactivity, thereby establishing a healthy physical, emotional, and spiritual separation.”
Blessings!
Sue
Love this Debra. Very well said! I love anything on this subject. I have to be honest, it was the book “Boundaries” back in 99 or 2000 that changed my life and led me to become a Life Coach. I find that permission to draw them is the issue I deal with most.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom Ruthie. Keeping energetic boundaries has been a challenge but so important so I stay healthy and well and can still server as a healer and coach! xo