Flexibility: The Key to Living a Soul-Hearted Life

“Always fall in with what you’re asked to accept. Fall in with it and turn it your way.” ~ Robert Frost 

Living a soul-hearted life requires flexibility. It takes letting go of our ego, expectations, or reservations, and embracing whatever comes our way. It inspires a sense that nothing is more important than the present moment. It encourages responding rather than reacting and spurs an instantaneous recognition of the lack of control we have in many situations. Most importantly, it involves radical acceptance: acceptance of ourselves, others, and our current circumstances.  

Every day you are presented with the opportunity to flow gracefully through life’s challenges instead of feeling anxious, unprepared, or flooded by a sense of futility. In such situations, you can find the emotional balance in the midst of distress, let go of your expectations, and “go with the flow.” When you remain receptive and flexible, you are open to this divine flow of love. Then you can trust that whatever is happening is serving your highest and greatest good. Like a bamboo tree in the storm, it allows you to bend without breaking. 

Allowing What Is 

When you allow what’s happening without trying to control or resist it, the energy will usually dissipate. The martial arts of aikido and Tai Chi are based on non-resistance. Students learn to move toward or sidestep rather than resist an attacker’s advances. Likewise, when you move toward what you are resisting you disperse the negative energy surrounding the issue.  

You may feel frustrated or disappointed when life doesn’t go the way you think it should. As a result, you become rigid, methodical, and try to micromanage every situation―which, of course, only makes things worse. Rather than attempting to control events through sheer force of will, you can align yourself with the energy that flows through your heart. Like a surfer riding a huge wave, once you tune in to the experience, breathe deeply, and relax rather than resist, you can move smoothly through any wave. With awareness, balance, and flexibility, you can keep from falling off your board and being caught in the undertow. 

Sustaining Flexibility in the Midst of Life’s Challenges 

Sustaining flexibility in the midst of life’s challenges was beautifully illustrated by the wedding of my dear friends, Karina and Daniel. A few days before the wedding, which was to be held outdoors, Karina called me, anxious about the intense heat that was predicted for their wedding day. Two weeks earlier she had called the manager of the venue and, concerned about the heat, asked if the celebration could be moved indoors into the wine cellar, but he had said it wasn’t possible and the reception would have to be outside under a tent.  

While speaking with Karina, I reminded her to release all fears of the wedding being less perfect than she expected and to trust herself and Daniel to co-create the experience just as it was meant to be. Just as a plane is guided into the air, Karina and Daniel, co-pilots with their divine source, began guiding their intention for a beautiful wedding into reality. They let go of their expectations, trusting that one moment would unfold perfectly into the next.  

Staying in Peace  

Watching a powerful thunderstorm roll in a few hours before the ceremony, they witnessed 50-mile-per-hour winds gusting through the reception site. They sighed in relief, thinking the weather would now be cooler for their guests. But soon the rain changed to hail that pummeled the pavement outside their hotel. Just when they thought it couldn’t get any worse, an hour before the wedding the winery called and sent a picture of an oak tree that had cracked in half during the storm and landed on the pristine white tent covering the reception site. Upon receiving the news, instead of breaking into tears they roared with laughter. Moments later, they were told that the wedding celebration was being moved inside to the wine cellar, where they had wanted it all along. A series of coincidences had led ultimately to the fulfillment of their request for a change of location for the celebration.  

Like shaking a snow globe and watching the flakes swirl downward, Karina and Daniel trusted the people involved and let go of their attachment to the desired outcome. Sustaining their sense of playfulness and flexibility opened up the flow of love, kept the focus of the day on their love for one another, and created an outcome beyond what they had thought possible. 

Flexibility is a hallmark of lightheartedness which leads to a life with ease and grace. In cultivating lightheartedness, you ensure your capacity to create and sustain joy, find peace in times of turmoil, and respond rather than react to life’s challenges. When you exhibit the qualities of lightheartedness—such as playfulness, humor, flexibility, and spontaneity—your life seems brighter, and you increase your desire and ability to uplift the lives of others. This occurs because these ebullient qualities are expressions of a soul-hearted life.