John Lennon’s inspirational song “Let It Be” speaks of a spiritual principle that can profoundly change our lives. As a practice, letting it be flows from an open loving heart where we trust the divine unfolding of our lives. It moves us beyond letting go for it starts with zero expectations of how someone or something “should be” that only sets us up for disappointment-even with ourselves. It encourages compassion, forgiveness and acceptance of ourselves and others no matter what our journeys may be.
For me, letting it all be is letting my entire life be without judgment and with forgiving the past. This hit home for me recently when my brother, Jim who had been doing some genealogy work on our family tree sent me new information about my mother. Keep in mind that my mother has not been seen or heard from in over forty-seven years. She left us when I was eight years old and although I had completed a year long search for her in my twenties, I had never found any hint of her. It was if she vanished into thin air. So, when Jim wrote to me that he had found a link to a marriage application taken out in Cuyahoga County in 1968, two years after we last saw her, I was stunned, yet, hopeful that we may find her.
Pursuing this lead further, I asked a dear friend of mine, Mike and his partner, Dan, who is an expert in genealogy, if they would assist me in locating the documentation. Enthusiastically, they agreed and became part of my energetic support team. Team Deb. Within the past few weeks while I was on vacation, Mike went to the courthouse on my behalf. Serendipitously, he ran into an old colleague and she graciously located the document for him at no charge. Angels at work!
When I returned home from my vacation, I had a voice message from Mike wanting to get together. With document in hand, he met me for coffee and presented me with a copy of my mother’s marriage application and license. I was blown away just seeing my mother’s signature on the page and the fact that she had been in Cleveland before I moved here in 1983. It opened more questions than answers and I realized I’d been drawn to Cleveland for this purpose. Pursuing the lead like a cold case, Mike also validated the social security number I had given him for her and the information confirmed that she was still alive. Wow, this was exciting news to me as I had suspected that because of her drug addiction and mental illness that she was probably dead.
What followed for me were tears of joy instead of resentment, anger or hurt. Feeling at peace, I knew that the work I had done to forgive her had freed me from any negative charge or disappointment. I had “let my life be” without her which opened the space in my heart for love to reside. I loved her being no matter what she had done and to know that she was still alive was a bonus. Although I will continue the search to find her, I hold no expectations that if I do find her that she will even want to see me. For I am complete with our relationship and the purpose it has served in my life. Meeting her anew would begin a new relationship.
Letting it all be inspires me to let go of mind-control and lead with my heart as it whispers words of wisdom. Letting each day unfold perfectly guiding it with positive intentions and making the choices to align with this amazing journey is letting it all be.
Hi Debra ~
What a powerful post — thanks for sharing. I continue to be surprised at the power of unconditional acceptance… It seems to me that the more fully we embrace “what is” the more doors to “what could be” seem to spring open. Thanks again for sharing your heart’s words of wisdom.
This is so true that we need to embrace “what is” so that we can turn this space into “what can be” and we can only do this when we forgive ourselves and each other. Blessings and hugs Andrea
Debra, I can’t imagine all the emotions this must churn up for you. I’m so glad you are so grounded as you continue your search. I do hope you find her — and by all means I hope you keep writing your story! Big hug!
thanks Sheila. I intend to keep writing my story and getting it all on the page. Big hugs back to you too!
Wow Debra. Just wow.
My parents divorced when I was 8 and my father won full physical and legal custody of me and my 3 brothers back in a time where that didn’t happen. Suzanne was physically abusive and pyschologically disordered. I did not see or hear from her for 20 years – I was 28 when I actively sought her out, and I didn’t have to look too far. My father always remained in contact with her parents, my grandparents. I actually wanted to see my grandparents because they had two great-grand daughters that I thought they like to meet – my girls. I thought the right way to do it would be to reconnect with my birth mother first.
We reconnected when I was 28. I spent three days with her in my home and that was 2 days and 23 hours too long. I knew there could be no relationship with her. But, the best news is that I was able to reconnect with my grandparents, so HUGE. These people were my angels, as they witnessed their daughter’s abuse of her children, particularly me. They signed the depostion declaring their daughter unfit to raise children which allowed my father to have full custoday of 4 children between the ages of 18 months and 8 years old. They saved us from a very unstable human being.
I was fortunate to get to know my Nana and Gampy again, spend time with them, and they got to know their beautiful great grands. My daughter Jessica has red hair and blue eyes just like my Nana. And both my girls have her middle name…Marie.
Thank you for sharing your story…and I don’t talk about mine too much but it’s refreshing to know I’m not alone with an MIA mother.
xo
Peggy
You are definitely not alone Peggy! And your situation is very similar to mine. I was 8 when my parents divorced and my mother was a drug addict and so my dad was finally able to get custody of me and my two brothers after a very long neglectful year. But my journey as you know for yourself has made me a strong and compassionate person and that is a great gift! anytime you want to share…find me. Lots of gratitude
Debra, this is so beautifully written, thank you for sharing your heart. As I read your story, I felt your peace and that is so very empowering. I will now go and listen to this song and let it resonate in my heart and soul.
Hi Deanna, I’m so grateful that you took the time to read and respond to my post. I’m glad my sense of peace jumped off the page so that people know that it’s possible to have it no matter what we’ve experienced. So go and sing out loud, “Let it BE.”
What a powerful story of your process of forgiveness and resolution. I admire how you packed decades of processing and healing into a very concise and clear account of the beautiful place you’re in now in relation to feelings about your mother.
Thanks Chara for responding to my blog post. This journey had been going on for quite some time and it feels great to have spiritual completion. It’s great connecting with you.
Wow,Debra! Forgiving others of wrongs is such a wonderful gift to ourselves. I’m sure the process wasn’t easy and must have had bumps along the way, but the effort you put in upfront will serve to keep you on the path of a happy and meaningful life.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful insights, support and love. Your comments truly touched me and it’s miraculous to see such a beautiful soul energetic support team I have. You are the best! Blessings of love and light to all of you.
Thank you for sharing your journey, Debra. What a powerful lesson and teaching it is: letting it all be. Just reading your post brings a feeling of freedom and peace.
Thx Marianne for your reading my post and taking your precious time to comment. I’m glad that you found a sense of freedom and peace just reading it as I did experiencing it. xo
Wow…what a powerful post, and inspiring moment and part of your journey! I can imagine how this must have all felt to you, and how inspiring that you are continuing to find beauty, truth and inspiration through it all. It could be so easy to feel lost in it, or be upset by what happened. How amazing and empowering that you have continued to find happiness and meaning, through all that has happened, is happening, and anything that comes. All the very best to you, Debra, and your family through *all* of this…you are so strong, courageous and incredible for the way you face this, head on! 🙂
Thank you Christa for your kind and compassionate words of support. It has been an amazing journey especially when we confront our pain so that we can forgive and find the meaning in all of life’s experiences. I’d like to say that faced it all heart on…blessings
So inspirational! Thank you. I was feeling into the beautiful words of “Let It Be” and picturing you, your brother, your mom and all affected washed in the grace of the moment. Love and Blessings, Dawn
What an amazing story and example of forgiveness and of letting go of attachment to an outcome. Blessings to you.
What an amazing story, Debra. I am stopping by from Visionary Female Authors. Thanks for sharing your journey and modeling how forgiveness really is transformative. Beautifully done.