Releasing the Need for Control

The need for control erodes our sense of well-being and adversely affects our relationships. This fear-based pattern stems from our need for stability, security and predictability in our lives, especially when we are faced with such survival issues as earning a living, being in a relationship, or taking care of our physical needs. Unfortunately, the need for control creates an illusion of security, displacing a trust in ourselves and our connection with source onto external conditions such as who we are with, what we do, where we live, or what we own. As a result, we feel we are victims of circumstances, lacking the power to manifest the lives we want.

The pattern of control is prevalent in relationships, for example, when one person, as caretaker, reinforces the other person’s victim pattern. Within such a relationship dynamic, one person needs to dominate the other to feel right, secure and more powerful. This only fosters helplessness and stifles the full self-expression of the other person. We see this when one person tells the other what to think, feel, or choose, and the other person becomes dependent on them for making any choices, eventually deferring to others without knowing they themselves are operating out of fear.

The more we micromanage everyone or everything around us, the more likely we feel insecure and out of control within ourselves. This is a behavioral “flag” that signals us that our pattern of control is operating. Another flag is the obsessive attachment to a certain outcome, grievance, or position. Other flags are the urgent need to defend ourselves, be right, or blame someone. Moreover, our need for control usually surfaces in situations where we feel pain, fear or discomfort. Simply a word, glance, or the slightest interaction can cause us to erupt in a defensive reaction.

When we let go of the need to control, we tap into an unlimited source of positive energy and creativity. By relinquishing our pattern of control, we can surrender to the experience, see it from a new point of view and trust that it is giving us new information about ourselves and our life’s journey.