“If we want freedom and peace and the experience of love and being loved, we must let go and forgive.” ~ Eric Butterworth
Generating a mutual flow of forgiveness renews connection, enhances the sharing of vulnerabilities, and heightens intimacy in our relationships. It is at the core of every soul-hearted relationship, and is an essential dimension of being love.
Forgiveness is the willingness to let go of any resentment, judgment, or grievance toward someone who has injured us. It has two essential parts: a release of negative feelings previously held toward the person who has offended us, and an engagement in positive feelings toward that person.
Since we all engage in human interactions on a daily basis, relationship injuries are unavoidable. Forgiveness is a powerful way to heal such injuries. Even though this practice has been encouraged in religious tradition for years, today it is increasingly discussed in the mainstream global media as a means for facilitating healing and peace. Forgiving a person for harm they caused us―and, likewise, making amends for hurting someone―are positive acts that can sustain loving relationships and deter alienation and loneliness.
Research on forgiveness suggests that, because it helps us sustain our connectedness with others, it has considerable physical and mental health benefits. Forgiveness also promotes our well-being because it encourages the release of negative emotions, such as anger, resentment, or the desire for revenge. The act of blessing and releasing a person or situation assists us in letting go of our past, appreciating the present more fully, and orienting us toward the future.
The more we open our hearts in compassion, the more we can forgive. Share on X This idea hit home for me recently when I was finally able to put my first marriage to rest and spiritually complete my relationship with my son’s father. Twenty-two years after Tom and I were divorced, he invited me to breakfast without first telling me why he wanted to meet. I graciously accepted his invitation. As we were sitting at the table reflecting on the many accomplishments of our son, Tom gazed at me, took a deep breath, and said, “The main reason I wanted to meet today was to share with you that I’m an alcoholic.” He proceeded to tell me he had completed a chemical dependency treatment program and now wanted to make amends for not having been present in our relationship, as well as take full responsibility for his part in our breakup. Stunned by his honesty and sincerity, I suddenly became aware of residual feelings of hurt within me. Releasing them, I forgave him for his lack of accountability all these years, and together we forgave the past. This experience showed me that it is never too late to forgive and release the past.
Even today, I continue to unearth layers of pain. In instances where my hurt, disappointment, or sadness resurfaces, it becomes necessary to repeat the practice to clear these subtle layers. I know I have finally forgiven someone when I could think of them without experiencing any negative reaction.
Forgiveness as a spiritual practice is an act of love Share on X in which we focus energy through our heart center, and bless and release anything that does not align with who we truly are. The heart becomes an energetic clearinghouse that transforms grievance and resentment into love and compassion, and dissolves any emotional injury attached to the person or situation. By forgiving, and truly letting go, we make the past powerless over our lives. Share on X
Ultimately, there is no resentment, grievance or hurt that cannot be transformed by forgiveness. And the more we forgive ourselves the easier it is to forgive others. To forgive takes an open heart, loving-compassion, and a detachment from specific outcomes. The greater outcome is widely recognized: acts of forgiveness free us from the past and sever the flow of negative energy toward others so that positive energy is returned to us, creating space in our hearts to love and be loved.
Mantra: Today I’m completely free of the past.
Appreciating the tender truth in your word wisdom, Debra: “Forgiveness as a spiritual practice is an act of love in which we focus energy through our heart center, and bless and release anything that does not align with who we truly are…” Your timing is perfect since this past Sunday was Global Forgiveness day and I wrote a lot about much of what you said…and wrote so eloquently.
Yes! As you know, I spent many years working with survivors of abuse. There were lots of discussions on the way to working definitions of “forgiveness” running the gamut from “glossing over” to “isn’t that saying what they did is OK?” I like your approach: let it go.
Resentment means to feel something repeatedly. To “let it go” allows the injured party to stop re-experiencing the wound, forgive herself and move forward, without ever saying “what the perpetrator did was OK.”
Wait til you read my story in Gratitude in Grace 🙂 It’s a whopper of a major forgiveness story 🙂 For me, forgiveness isn’t necessarily about the other person. It’s about me letting go of the anger and resentment and all the hurt. The only person holding me prisoner is me. Forgiveness sets me free. xxxoo
This jumped off the page at me: “Forgiveness is the willingness to let go of any resentment, judgment, or grievance toward someone who has injured us.” So many people say “I forgave him/her for what they did to me,” but they don’t really mean it because they still hold onto the resentment deep down inside of their soul. I also recently heard someone say that you forgive someone WITHIN yourself – not TO them – it is not about making “ammends” or “exacting justice.” Such an important lesson to learn! Thank you Debra.
When I forgive, I set myself free. Blessings.
Love this post Debra! Forgiveness is such a powerful tool for healing. Thanks for sharing your personal experience. For my coaching clients and myself I have found the forgiveness meditations by Jack Kornfield and Tara Brach particularly helpful tools to forgive myself and to forgive others.
Beautiful writings Debra! Thanks for sharing your personal example as it helps all of us to see that it is never to late to forgive. xx
Holy smokes I love reading your words! Always so powerful….
Loved this quote: By forgiving, and truly letting go, we make the past powerless over our lives.
Bam! And so it is…
Thank you for another week of inspiration. <3
This is a loving and important message, Debra. I love this: “I know I have finally forgiven someone when I could think of them without experiencing any negative reaction.” Sometimes, this happens after one heart opening. Other times, the pain and walls come back as quickly as they come down. Especially when we have to forgive someone in who continues to be a big part of our lives–and that person has hurt us deeply in the past. So, each time the walls come up, it’s an opportunity to forgive again. And sometimes, an opportunity to understand the need for distance…!
Thank you for sharing your beautiful wisdom and vulnerability. Much love
Thank you Debra for this timing post. Yes, forgiving and letting go has set me free.
By forgiving, and truly letting go, we make the past POWERLESS over our lives.-So true!
The ” Hooponopono”- Prayer has been a great tool for me: I am sorry
Please forgive me
Thank you
I love you.
Just had a miracle happen last night, after not hearing from this person for month,the phone rang at 10 pm. I was elated, to say the least. It works and we both felt better for it.
Thank you Martha Miracles do happen through love <3