“To live is to be willing to die over and over again. From the awakened point of view, that’s life.” ~ Pema Chödrön
Sometimes a crisis such as a serious illness, trauma, or loss gives us the opportunity for soul level transformation. In some ways, change—even the hard change of healing old wounds—is easier when the alternative is unthinkable. But for many of us, daily life isn’t enough to trigger that kind of soul level transformation. Instead, we allow the emotional pain to build for years, even decades, because it’s easier to ignore it than to lean in and let go. Without full release, however, these old traumas can create chronic distress that can manifest as depression, anxiety, or physical illness. Only when such psychic pain is released can we bring about self-healing.
Releasing emotional pain breaks open your heart; hence, you feel “broken-hearted.” Yet, you can’t release emotional pain with your mind by trying “to just get over it.” As painful as it may feel, breaking open and releasing is how you break through to who you are at the soul level. Like stripping away layers of paint to reveal handcrafted woodwork, you peel away the layers of unhealed parts of yourself so you can reveal the divine essence that lies beneath.
Leaning in to your “sweet pain” is a great gift because you initiate the life-death-rebirth cycle. In other words, you move through a form of experiential death. This metaphorical death allows you to liberate yourself from your past wounds and transmute your pain into soul level transformation.
Experiential death creates a shift in your consciousness, much like the experience of dying and physically releasing the body. Such a shift can be frightening or disorienting, especially when the brain reacts to the act of letting go as a threat to your life, and triggers symptoms like anxiety, heart palpitations, and lightheadedness. But even in experiential death, what really dies is your past pain, not your true being. In fact, when you let go of your old, painful self-definitions, your soul self is given permission to rise from the ashes like the phoenix—the mythical creature of purification and transformation.
Here are three steps to practice transmuting your pain into transformation:
1. Create a sacred space for healing: Set up a safe and nurturing environment where you can fully embrace these unhealed parts of yourself. Meditate, sit in a garden, stare out a window, take a walk-in nature, or write in a journal. Set aside time at the beginning and end of each day, then gradually increase the time to be alone with yourself. Just be with your discomfort like an old friend who has come to visit. Notice when you feel unsettled, restless, or irritable. These are the first signs of emotional pain and that something needs to be brought into your awareness.
2. Lean in and stay with your emotional pain until it fully releases: Sit quietly, close your eyes, drop into your heart space, and stay here until you feel your pain or discomfort. Pay attention to your thoughts and your inner self-talk. See what feelings they trigger. As your feelings surface, you may feel restless and want to run away or distract from them. That’s ok. Try to remain in your healing space as long as you can surrendering to your feelings. Bring awareness to your feelings and what they may be telling you.
Practice deep, slow, intentional breathing for release: Breathe in love and direct it to the parts of your body that feels tight and holding negative energy, breathe out fear and look out to the world with love of others. Do this until our breath is rhythmic, and you feel calm and centered. You draw more oxygen into your body which assists in calming the nervous system. If this experience gets too intense, take a break, and come back to it later. But make sure you come back to it at some later time.
3. Have a sacred chat with your pain or discomfort: Pay attention to what feelings come up in this healing space. Accept yourself and your feelings with loving kindness as you would with someone you love. Gently coach yourself by saying, open and let go, or bless and release.
Here are a few journal prompts to jump start your sacred chat.
- What is the root of your discomfort?
- What unhealed part of you is being revealed?
- What is your fear or pain showing you about yourself or your life? Go deeper into your heart space and allow yourself to reveal more.
- What deep-seated emotional patterns—especially fear, worthlessness, and lovelessness are there?
- What is the origin of these patterns?
Such emotional release opens up positive energy for creative use. When you release the “heart stuff,” it opens the energetic space for love, joy and peace in your life.
Lisa Kershner says
Thank you so much! I really needed this today. I find myself going in the same circle, round and round. I have tried many methods to break it, unsuccessfully. I was thinking just before I read this, as I am stressing about everything, I really need to figure out how to stop this. Checked my email, and here you are. Perfect timing! Thank you so much for the tips! I am going to use them as soon as I am able.
Blessings to you!
Tricia Guthrie says
Thank you Debra! I have been working through some past pain that has been triggered by a huge life transformation and it seems to be getting a little bit easier. It is definately a process! And it may take several more weeks to truly get past it and become more o0pen to the person I am capable of being. It is taking a lot of deep, conscious breathing and allowing the pain to come up and be released. I am still having a difficult time with what direction the future will take and how I am supposed to be in it! I am looking forward to getting some clarity as to my new purpose.
Debra Reble says
Trust Tricia that you are exactly where you are supposed to be in your healing process and the rest will be revealed to you when it’s sivine time. Much love and blessings <3
Acknowledging the existence of pain and trauma and then working with it to release it is important, Debra. Thanks for the 3 step approach. I wish people who say ‘time heals’ will read it and understand time can numb the pain but we still need to face it if we want freedom.
This reminds me of watching Cheryl Richardson talking on this same issue. She said to put your arm around your inner self and say “I’m right here with you. I’ve got your back. I’ll stay here with you until you do what you have to do to heal.” Awesome!
I love this Barb and will need to find this video and watch it. We have to hold ourselves in love as we move through our vulnerable pain. <3
I love this post Debra. It is inspiring me to meditate and really ask, “What is the pain within that is causing me to have multiple sclerosis? Am I doing everything I can to heal from this?”
There is hope when we realize that we CAN heal ourselves. It can take time, but I believe we CAN.
My dear beautiful Genevieve, I too know that we can heal ourselves but we have to be willing to face our deepest vulnerable pain. I feel that was key in my healing from breast cancer <3 and it will be yours in your healing MS. <3
I’ve worked with a lot of trauma survivors through the years and find there’s a significant difference between pain, discomfort, and trauma. However, regardless of which of these a person is dealing with, your suggestions about making time and space for healing are solid gold. ~ Thanks
Thank you Andrea and thank you for your precious support of trauma survivors. I’m glad that these suggestions can be of assistance in working with them <3
I love how you have explained and taught us how to handle the pain in such a loving way in this post. I especially love point #2.Leaning into pain until it fully releases…..that to me is the only way that truly works at the deepest level. Its only when we can fully release the pain, can the healing take place….else there are still unhealed fragments of ourself that can come out at a later time to create even more pain.
Love this post Debra!
xoxo, Z~
Thank you Zeenat…this post comes from my own experience of healing. I realized with the help of my soul support team that leaning in and staying with my vulnerable pain was the only way through to healing. We have to breakdown to break through. <3